Get R' Done

Why haven’t you done it yet?  If you’re 50 or older (or people in your family have had colon cancer under the age of 50) and you’ve never had a colonoscopy, why haven’t you done it?  Do you know you could be silently and obliviously growing an ugly little wart-like polyp in the bellows of your large intestine?  It could be morphing into a gigantic cancer ball.  No, you wouldn’t know it.  You might have blood in your poo here and there, but likely, you may not have any.  You might not notice anything abnormal at all.  You might be constipated frequently, but lots of people are who don’t have colon cancer.  You could be tired, but who isn’t by the end of the day?  The biggest reason to pass off having a colonoscopy is that it just doesn’t sound like a whole lot of fun to have a tube rammed up your ass.

If you haven’t done it, it might be fear of the unknown.  Listen, I know it sounds really uncomfortable, not to mention embarrassing.  Let me assure you, the GI doctor has seen just about every shape and sized hiney possible in the world.  He’s seen hairy men’s ones, he’s seen big, juicy ones, he’s seen the cellulite all women have, and you can be sure he doesn’t care about your saddle bags.  He or she has seen and smelled it all and they don’t care, and neither should you.  Yes, it involves your poop chute.  Everyone has one and I will tell you with full certainty, the GI doctor doesn’t care about that either.  She’s used to dealing with crap, and frankly, she doesn’t care.  The GI doctor just wants to help you.  So help them help you.  You can do this! 

There’s really three steps, and they aren’t that bad, really.  1) colon cleanse – they’re popular now.  Vegans, yoga lovers, and health nuts seem to love to get the toxins out of their bowels and they swear by it.  You might feel completely squeaky clean and like you’ve hit the restart button on your bowels.  2) colonoscopy – don’t worry about the tube up your ass thing and it hurting, they completely drug you up and you’ll have an awesome trip.  I promise.  You won’t remember a thing and you’ll be as high as a kite.  It could be kind of fun.  3) recovery – all the sudden, you’ll be totally awake and you might have a lot of gas from the tube getting friendly with your intestines, but it’s all over, you get to know you did something really great for your health, and bonus,  now you can eat! 

I will tell you exactly what a colonoscopy is and hopefully, you won’t be confused anymore about having one.  The doctor needs to see the lining of your large intestine to look for the polyps.  Polyps are wart-like growths that are found in many colons.  They are overgrowth of normal intestinal wall tissue.  The problem with polyps is when they contain mistakes in their cells (in their DNA) that tells them to grow and grow and to never stop.  That’s what cancer is.  If the doctor sees suspicious polyps on your large intestinal walls, he/she will biopsy the polyp and possibly snare the polyp off the wall to remove it.  If the pathology says that the polyp has dysplasia (beginning stages of cancer) or is cancerous, then decisions are made about what to do next – usually removing the affected portion of the large intestine or full colectomy (removal of the whole large intestine in entirety).  If it’s invasive cancer, chemotherapy will be part of the treatment as well. 

How does the doctor see the lining of your large intestine?  He/she uses a long tube with a camera on the end of it called a colonoscope.  The scope is inserted up one’s anus and fed up through the entire length of the large intestine.  The camera feeds the visual of the inside of the colon to a TV screen where the doctor has a magnified view of the intestinal walls.  But before this test can be done, you must clean your bowels out.  The bowels are normally filled with lots of poop.  It’s hard to see through and the doctor would miss a lot of potential polyps if the large intestine isn’t really clean and free of everything you’ve eaten in the past few days.  How do you accomplish that?  Well, that’s pretty much done by a colon cleanse.  You will be given, by your doctor’s office, a drink to consume starting the afternoon before your colonoscopy.  You have to drink this liquid every so often and it causes you to have diarrhea, getting rid of the poop really fast, which is what you want.  The old way (which is a lot worse and I assure you that you wouldn’t like) was to stop eating solid food two days prior to the colonoscopy, followed by enemas - more than one - in the hours leading up to the procedure.  Luckily, you won’t have to endure any enemas, and you will only have to stop eating solid food the day before your colonoscopy.  Come on, it’s not that bad.  Drinking the liquid is pretty nasty, but it’s not the end of the world and neither is the diarrhea, it’s just once and it’s temporary.  And bonus, no enemas.  You can do it!

Once you’re all spic and span up your fanny, you’re ready to rock and roll.  You go to the outpatient center where your colonoscopy is, you get an IV (that is seriously no big whoop), and then nurses get you all ready for your trip down Versed, Fentanyl, and Valium Lane.  It’s awesome!  You won’t remember a thing.  When’s the last time you got to forget the whole embarrassing event happened?  Never mind your college days and too many drinks.  This is totally legit so just sit back and enjoy the drug ride.  It could always be worse.  And no hangover with this one.  Most likely you’ll be tired and groggy (and full of farts) for some hours after the procedure but just go home, veg out, watch some daytime TV, eat some great snacks, and milk it for all it’s worth.  You deserve it.  You just did the best thing you could ever do for your colon and your health.  Yay you!

So forget about your fecal phobias and all things poop and butt taboo that you might be feeling.  It’s ok.  It’s not as easy as having your blood drawn, an xray, or a mammogram, but as disturbing as the colonoscopy process might seem, it’s all worth it.  Catching any possible colon cancer early will without a doubt save your life.  Your spouse will thank you, your children will thank you, and you will be the most thankful.  If you are 50 or older or have family members who have had early stage colon cancer under the age of 50 or a strong family history of colon cancer in your family, please see a GI doctor or your primary care doctor to determine what you need to do right now.  If you’d like a GI doctor referral, please let me know.  I know a lot of awesome GI doctorss that I’m happy to recommend.  And if you’re scared of having a colonoscopy, just contact me.  I can help get you through it.  I’m happy to provide any information and support, so don’t hesitate to contact me.  For more information and resources on colon cancer screening, awareness, and support please visit www.ccalliance.org, www.chris4life.org, or www.fightcolorectalcancer.org.